Im not perfect 
deadgrave
  
Jan. 19th, 2009 | 11:31 pm
 
Hey,

well i defiantly have some things to say to you and i think im ready to say them. jason im still in complete shock over last night. You outta all ppl i never thought would talk to me like u did. No u didn't make me mad or piss me off, wut u rly did was hurt my feelings and made me feel like shit. And u kept saying over and over that i hurt you but when i do something it doesn't matter, well ur wrong. I know i hurt u jason, but its never my intentions. and never have i ever said those things to u that u said to me last night, i love and care about u way to much to speak to u like that no matter how mad or hurt i am. i was gonna say some hurtful shit and throw things up n ur face that u have told me over the times we have talked about ur family and everything but i told myself dont do it because once u say it u will never b able to take it back and by not being able to take it back he'll never forgive u so ull never b able to talk to him again. That’s wut ran through my head. and u had me to the point of crying because i never saw that side of u. i seriously dont think u understand how rude and mean u were. It destroyed me. and no i still am not ready to talk to u. and once, if even i decide to talk to u again i dont think it will ever go back to how it was. u cant tell me u didn't mean wut u said last night or u wouldn't have said it. ppl speak the truth when their pissed off or mad. anger is hurt. i dont think ive ever hurt u as bad as u hurt me last night that's wut took me back. i thought i was someone u loved, and i kept telling myself "you dont talk to ppl like that if u love them". u tell me i never cared or loved u, well jason im here to tell u ur WRONG!! ive always loved u and cared. more than u could possibly think. u were the guy i wanted to run to when something went wrong. ur the guy who i talked to and smiled with. ur the guy who actually got to me and showed me wut living is like and how to b a good person. ur the guy that i told myself i could b with and marry. im not gonna tell u how much i love and care about u jason u have to understand that's not me. Because if u know then ull know u can hurt me and i dont wanna b hurt anymore, its happened to much in the past. so a long time ago i decide to keep my love hidden and just let ppl think wut they want cause deep down i know who i love and care about. so dont tell me i never loved u or cared, cause u have no idea how MUCH i love u and care about u or else i wouldn't even give u the time or day.and about drew, jason i cant completely let him go, i cant stand the thought of letting him go and losing u to val or someone, its not that i want him. its that trust isnt in me. its hard to completely trust someone. once i trust someone or actually give them a chance something like wut u did to me last night happens. and it tore me apart, fucking messed me up and now makes it harder for me to trust guys now. i know im a complicated girl, i know im not the easiest person to talk to, im a tough bitch i know this but if uve been through wut ive been through u would understand. its looking out for myself, trying to keep the hurt outta my life and now i feel like i have failed myself. makes me wanna just break down and cry. last night i felt u just completely hated me and never rly wanted to talk to me again. not only have i felt i lost a friend but i feel i have lost a potentially love interest. jason u have truly gotten to me this time so congratulations, im tore apart and hurt. and im sorry for all the hurt and pain i have caused u but u need to understand it was never my intentions to hurt u. i did once love u with all my heart but u rejected me last night, and i dont think I could ever love u like i once did. i am sorry for everything i have caused and i know ur a great guy deep down. but have fun and ur still in my heart no doubt but ur just not where ur suppose to b. ttyl. buh bye!!
Jenn 		 
  [Alone In The Dark]   Thee End Of Me
 

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